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FIRST SHOW |
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Boom-boom old school-style
By Kaushik Kashyap
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The Expendables 2
DIRECTOR: Simon West
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgreen, Bruce Willis, Randy Couture, Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terry Crews, Liam Hemsworth, Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Nan Yu
India Release: 24 August 2012 |
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Action-movie aficionados will remember the 1993 Charlie Sheen-starrer Hot Shots! Part Deux a spoof of the ‘80s and ‘90s action flicks. In one scene of the film, Charlie Sheen blazes away an LMG, the indicator on the gun showing the number of guys he’s shot. At one point, the indicator reads: “Bloodiest movie ever”.
Well,The Expendables 2 is just that. As far as body count goes, this has got to be the bloodiest movie ever (If not, then at least a close second to John Rambo). It is also one more thing. The film is a spoof of itself. That is what it aims to be, and succeeds to quite a degree.
Of course, there’s the guns and the knives and the bullet-riddled corpses and the occasional beheaded-by-the-helicopter-blade moment. But, c’mon, what else did you expect? With a hallowed cast as this (Sly Stallone as Barney Ross, Arnold as Trench, Jean-Claude Van Damme as Lee Christmas, Chuck Norris as Booker, Bruce Willis as Church, Dolph Lundgreen as Gunnar, Randy Couture as Toll Road, Terry Crews as Caesar, whew… it could go on!), blood was never supposed to be in short supply. As a matter of fact, it would be surprising if it did not rain blood! Which it does, btw.
The story, you ask? Ah, if only you were not so smug my friend. If only you knew better. What story? At the insistence of the CIA, a group of mercenaries are after a mini-computer that holds the blueprint to the location of an abandoned mine containing – hold your breath – five tonnes of weapons-grade plutonium! Now, they are ambushed by another group (loyalty unknown), led by a very, very fit-looking Van Damme. Shit happens, and the youngest member of the Expendables (that’s what the good guys are called) is killed. After that, it’s eye-for-an-eye, and a smack-feast of biceps, triceps, quads, squats, guns, knives, kicks, tanks, choppers, even planes flown into a mine face, basically, the whole ten yards.
A wholesome entertainment megabuster. That is, if you can leave your brains outside – every bit of it. Unfortunately, that’s not quite an easy thing to do, even for a die-hard Arnie-Stallone-Van Damme fan like me. After a point, you do begin to wonder if you should not get another coffee. You know you won’t miss much. The fights will continue even when you come back.
There’s also a woman in this one. Yu Nan plays a geek who knows how to handle herself. No complains there, but we quite liked Sharon Stone in Catwoman. Nan is fast, as fast as the boys, but the oomph is not quite there. Besides, there’s the philosophising in the beginning. At the grave of the young Liam Hemsworth (there, I broke the suspense), Stallone mutters: “Why is it that the youngest and the one who deserved to live the most among us, died, and why is it that the one’s who deserve to die, live?” Deep, yes. Profound, no. Moreover, you can hardly make out what Stallone’s saying in the film. The drawl’s grown even more illegible with the years.
Unlike the first part, Stallone’s handed over the directorial reins to Simon West. West’s CV boasts of blockbusters like Con Air and The Mechanic, and he knows his art. Sadly, he’s off-tune here. But that could be because he realises that the film’s does not go beyond its actors (if you can call them that). The movie reads like a roll-call of all the stars of the ‘80s, some of them even used as deus ex machinas! Chuck Norris, blowing away everything to kingdom come, saves the Sly gang not once, but two times. Besides the insufferable part he plays, I couldn’t help noticing his gleaming-white Colgate-y teeth. Bet that one’s a tooth-job. See what I mean? The action becomes so commonplace that beyond a point you’re left looking for mundane asides, just for the heck of it.
It’s not like the movie doesn’t give you those. The Expendables 2 has its moments. The film does a brilliant job of not taking itself seriously. There are moments of humour, cracks made at clichés that one can’t help laughing at. Arnie’s “I’ll be back” is lampooned by Willis’ “You’ve been back enough”; Stallone’s “That thing belongs in a museum” gets one back from Arnie, who says “We all do”.
It is moments like this that make The Expendables 2 a more-than-watchable-fare. Of course, you can’t shake off the feeling that it’s old friends having a laugh at each other’s expense and making money doing it, and what’s worse, that money’s coming outta your pocket. But, for someone who’s grown up watching these guys as young men taking on armies alone, who cares?
Kaushik Kashyap is an Assistant Editor with Tehelka.
kaushik@tehelka.com
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